Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
