explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
