A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
