he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
