I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
