so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
