I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
