dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
