you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm like, not good at living.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
