i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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