I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
