I have demons in me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
