I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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