Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
