My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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