He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
