I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
