i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
