i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
