Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
