My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
