What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
