i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
