I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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