Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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