we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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