you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
