Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
