And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
