Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this just has baby written all over it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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