UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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