just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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