Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I love you.
Bad choice
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