So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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