Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
