Plan B is the new Plan A
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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