I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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