im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize