she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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