I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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