I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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