How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My life is pants optional.
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