Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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