Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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