I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
