sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
