Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
