just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
