Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
