We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
