the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
