We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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