i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
