i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
