You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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