You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
