i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
