New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
