Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
