I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
