The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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