Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
