a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
