His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
