Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize