i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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