My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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