the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
