She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
